After a long day of being fed grapes, Ivanova returned to Captain Sheridan's quarters. She inserted her Identacard in the slot and the door opened. Captain Sheridan stood on the other side.
"Captain, I thought you were dead." Ivanova said.
"Well, I was, but this is the sequel and I'm a member of the cast." Sheridan paused. "Plus it's in my contract that I can't be killed off by a gun-crazed psychopath, it has to be something dumber like me falling into a dark chasm, dying, meeting some old guy, then being brought back to life, but only for 20 years."
KUNG FU LENNIER AND COMMANDO GARIBALDI STRIKE BACH
Part 1 of 3
IT IS A DARK TIME FOR KUNG FU LENNIER AND COMMANDO GARIBALDI EVEN THOUGH THIS IS THE SEQUEL, AND GARIBALDI AND SHERIDAN HAVE BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE, THE SCUM OF THE UNIVERSE- NO, NOT BARNEY OR A POLITICIAN-LONDO MOLLARI HAS ALSO BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE...
BUT THAT IS NOT ALL, A VISIT FROM AN OLD "FRIEND" SENDS GARIBALDI AND LENNIER ON A SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH ABOUT THE PSI CORPS INSTALLATION ON MARS...
... ..... .... ... ... <<< IF YOU READ WHAT IS TO THE LEFT YOU DON'T NEED GLASSES.
Garibaldi, equipped with his usual commando gear, met Lennier on the Zocalo. "Welcome back." Lennier said.
"It's good to be back." Garibaldi was cut off by Ambassador Mollari.
"Meester Garibaldi." Londo said. "I am willing to forget about that unfortunate incident that we had a few weeks ago. But, like I was trying to tell you before, you must do something about these Narns!"
"Lennier, would you like to do the honors?" Garibaldi asked.
"Yes I would." Lennier responded then turned towards Londo. Lennier pulled out his LightSuber and ignited it. "Hastalavista, mop-head." Londo turned and ran, but Lennier followed him down the cooridor.
"Lennier, here boy." Garibaldi called, and Lennier came running up to him. Garibaldi pulled out his PPG rifle and pointed it a Londo, who had not ran far. He was about to pull the trigger when his link interrupted him. "Garibaldi here."
"Mike," Sheridan said over the link, "we have just recieved a message from Earth that I think you might want to see."
"Alright I'll be right there. Garibaldi out." Garibaldi deactivated his link while watching Londo enter a lift at the other end of the Zocalo. Garibaldi pulled the trigger sending a pulse of energy towards Londo. Garibaldi and Lennier turned before a pop and a loud sizzle told them they had hit the Centauri ambassador.
Five minutes later, Garibaldi and Lennier sat across from Sheridan and Ivanova in Sheridan's office. Sheridan pressed a sequence of buttons on a data pad, the lights dimmed and a full-size hologram of President Clark was displayed.
"This is President Clark to the Command Staff of Babylon 5." The hologram said. "This is directed to Commander Michael Garibaldi. Commander Garibaldi, you are ordered to turn over you recipe for chocolate chip cookies to the Earth Force envoy enroute to Babylon 5. Failure to do so, will result in you immediate arrest. President Clark out." The hologram disappeared and the lights came back on.
"You heard it for yourself," Sheridan said, "President Clark has heard of your family's chocolate chip cookie recipe, and now he wants it for himself."
"Captain, that recipe has been in my family since the Grant administration. No one outside the family has known it, except for Jimmy Hoffa, and you see what happened to him. Every generation of Garibaldi has memorized it, it's never been written down." Garibaldi pointed to his head. "It's all up here, I think."
"I know, but President Clark will stop at nothing to get it. The transport carrying President Clark's little friends will arrive in three hours. We have also learned that our old friend Mr. Bester is also on the transport."
Lennier puller out his PPG pistol and charged it. "Well then let's kill them before they have a chance to suck the recipe out of Garibaldi's head. I've tasted his chocolate chip cookies, and they cannot fall into the wrong hands."
"Put the PPG away, we're not going to kill anyone."
Lennier growled and put the PPG away.
"Mr. Garibaldi, I am afraid that you are going to have to give them your cookie recipe."
"With all due respect captain, no. You cannot make me do it. I swear on my mother's grave that no one will get the recipe from me!"
"Garibaldi," Ivanova said, "your mother's still alive."
"Oh, you know what I mean. You cannot make me give them the recipe."
"Garibaldi, I can't, but they can. Bester is a P12, the strongest Psi Cop, and a very good dresser." Said Sheridan.
"I won't do it, captain."
Three hours later...
"Mester Garibaldi." Bester said walking into security.
Garibaldi pulled out his PPG rifle and aimed it at Bester. "That's far enough. You'll never get the cookie recipe from me."
"I could suck it out of your brain right now if I wanted to. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the easy way."
Garibaldi set the rifle to full charge. "Yes we can." Garibaldi smiled and pulled the trigger.
Bester lunged out of the way right before the bulkhead behind him was reduced to a pile of smoldering ashes. Bester took refuge behind a pile of boxes, but Garibaldi quickly incinerated them.
Bester ran into the other room. "Garibaldi, we both have our orders. Your orders are to give me the recipe and my orders are to get the recipe. Now, when the president gives us an order, we must follow it. Right now he has ordered you to give me the recipe." Bester stuck his head around the corner. "Can't we all just get along?"
"No." Garibaldi said. Bester took of running before Garibaldi incinerated the bulkhead behind him. (c) 1997 Mike Bell
COMMANDO GARIBALDI AND KUNG FU LENNIER STRIKE BACH
Part 2 of 3
Garibaldi sat alone in his quarters twenty minutes before he shift began watching ISN. "...And in other news, President Clark has erected a solid gold statue to his honor in Clark's square, Clarkland. We'll be right back with more of the propaganda you're used to after these messages..." A picture of a small dog-like animal flashed on the screen. "I like you, you like me, give me all of your mom's money! Join the Ronny, the Pink Targ, video tape club today by calling 1-800-RIP-OFF." Garibaldi quickly jotted down the number. "You'll get 1 Ronny video every hour for the next century including: Ronny's Home Arsenal, Ronny Eats Get hungry (the last episode with guest stars), The final episode: Ronny goes to the meat processing plant, Ronny Teaches Windows '95 (eight video set) and many more. So call call call call."
The door behind Garibaldi opened and Lennier walked in. Garibaldi stood and turned to Lennier. "I am afraid I am going to have to leave before Bester scans my mind and gets the cookie recipe." He said.
"Then let me go with you, my place is by your side, blowing away anything that moves." Lennier responded.
"No, you're place is home with your mother, father, and your pet Targ."
"Garibaldi, my mother and father are dead, and my Targ ate them"
"Alright, what about Delenn?"
"I don't know anything about Delenn's family."
"Okay, okay. I'll see." Garibaldi glanced at a computer panel on the wall. "I'm late for my shift." With that, Garibaldi left the room.
Only a few minutes later, Garibaldi exited the lift on blue level. Suddenly something hit him in the back of the neck and everything went black...
Two weeks later...
Lennier walked around the corner and into Captain Sheridan's office. Sheridan looked up. "You wanted to see me?" Sheridan asked.
"Yes. I think that Garibaldi is missing." Lennier told Sheridan.
"Why do you say that, Lennier?"
"I haven't heard from him or seen him in two weeks, the computer says that his link is offline, and he left an eight course Italian meal sitting out on his table. He's been gone too long to have gotten lost."
"Hmmm." Sheridan thought. "I don't know, but Bester and his little friends left abruptly two weeks ago." Sheridan's eyes opened wide as he looked up at Lennier. "You're not thinking what I'm think, are you?"
Lennier gasped. "Garibaldi kidnapped Bester and his aide!"
"No." Sheridan turned to the panel behind him and punched in a sequence of commands. "The last charge to his credit account was to the Ronny, the Pink Targ Video Tape Collection."
Lennier gasped again. "Garibaldi has been abducted by a loveable children's character!"
Garibaldi awoke in a darkened cell, the only light came from a dim light in the ceiling. Garibaldi stumbled out of a chair in the center of the room. "Where am I he asked?"
The lights in the room brightened, and Garibaldi covered his eyes. "Where am I?" He screamed. "Where am I?"
"How much do you remember?" A voice said.
"Who are you? Where am I?" Garibaldi stood up, ripped the arm of of the chair, and went to a small access hatch. He hit it repeatedly before the entire room was filled with gas. Garibaldi fell to his feet.
The door opened and a man in a gas mask stepped in. "Acme chair repair." The man said.
Garibaldi awoke to find Bester standing infront of him. "Where am I?" Garibaldi said droggily.
"You're on Mars." Bester said. "Come with me."
Bester lead Garibaldi out of the cell and down the twisting corridors. Bester finally stopped at a door and inserted a card into the panel. The doors opened and they stepped in.
Garibaldi gasped at what he saw... Automated machinery ran a giant packaging plant. "It's a...a...giant cookie factory." Garibaldi said. As far as he could see, machinery packaged all kinds of cookies from chocolate chip to Chucks O Targ under the martian surface.
"This is the Psi Corps installation on Mars, Mr. Garibaldi. We package the galaxy's cookies. This is why we want your family's chocolate chip cookie recipe. So, I will ask you nicely-" Bester pulled out a PPG pistol and pointed it at Garibaldi-" please, give it to me."
"No, I won't do it. I'll die before I'll give you the recipe."
"We can arrange that." Bester responded. "Give me the recipe now."
"No." Garibaldi took off running down the corridor. He ran for ten minutes with Bester right behind him.
Garibaldi turned the corner and entered a small room and Bester ran by thinking he had gone on down the cooridor.
Garibaldi switched on the lights and was shocked at what he saw. PPG pistols and rifles hung on the walls, boxes on top of boxes of hand grenades, and Tang, barrels and barrels of Tang.
(c) 1997 Mike Bell
KUNG FU LENNIER AND COMMANDO GARIBALDI STRIKE BACH
Part 3 of 3
Later that day, Lennier boarded a transport for Mars and left the station.
Garibaldi sat alone in the armory drinking bottle after bottle of Tang, considering how he was going to get off of Mars and back to Babylon 5, or at least some tropical planet inhabited by a primitive humanoid society, with cable.
Garibaldi pushed the pile of bottles off of him and struggled to his feet. He grabbed a nearby PPG rifle and a belt of hand grenades which he slung over his shoulder. He went to the door, and after fifteen minutes of re-routing power, he sealed the pressure locks, further locking the door.
After ten more minutes, he finally opened the doors. Garibaldi stepped out into the corridor and walked up to a map on the opposite bulkhead. "Let's see, you're here, Bester's Beach is there, ah here we go, Shuttle Landing facility."
"Don't move, Mr. Garibaldi." Garibaldi turned to see Bester standing infront of him with a PPG pistol aimed right at him. Garibaldi pulled out his PPG rifle, and Bester dropped his pistol and picked up a V-31 Hand-Held Rocket Launcher
Garibaldi's mouth dropped open as he set down his PPG rifle and picked up a Tri-Barreled Minbari-Killer Portable-Laser cannon. Bester dropped the rocked launcher and ran. A few minutes later he returned in a M-13 Abrahms Tank. "Ok," Garibaldi said sheepishly, "you win."
Bester took Garibaldi to a scientific research center in the complex. He then hooked Garibaldi up to an array of different equipment.
"Hmmm." Garibaldi thought examining the wrist and ankle restraints "Wonder how I'm gonna get out of this one?" He looked down at his shoes. "Oh! If the restraints weren't enough! They've tied my shoelaces together!"
"Ok, Mr. Garibaldi, we are going to run a few tests on you. I promise you this won't hurt...much." Bester flipped a switch on the wall, sending sparks flying from the machinery Garibaldi was hooked up to.
Bester sat down beside an assistant who was intensely starring at a computer monitor. "What a sick and twisted mind." Bester said studying the readouts. "He likes Tang!"
"Let him go." Lennier demanded from the doorway.
"Oh look, how cute, it's Garibaldi's little Minbari friend trying rescue Garibaldi. Aahhh." Bester said while looking at the Minbari holding to PPG rifles. Bester bent over and picked up his Tri-barreled Minbari-Killer Laser Cannon and aimed it at Lennier.
"Eek!" Lennier screamed like a mouse and then lunged out of the way. Seconds later three laser blast ripped open the bulkhead behind Lennier.
Garibaldi, realizing his faithful companion was in danger, returned to consciencenus. He screamed as he ripped himself from his restraints. Looking around the room, Garibaldi found a PPG rifle sitting on a table behind him.
Bester aimed his PPG at Lennier and prepared to fire. "Excuse me." Garibaldi said pointing the PPG rifle at Bester. "Walter, would you be considered a guest star or a recurring guest star?"
"Ah." Bester said, "A recurring guest star."
"Good." Garibaldi then opened fire at shot off eighteen rounds at Bester. Bester fell to the floor, smoldering. Lennier approached him. "Could you have cut that anymore close?"
"Probably not." Lenni
er and Garibaldi exited a lift tube and made their way through the winding corridors to the shuttle docking bay. After five minutes of wandering, they finally arrived at the docking bay.
"Not so fast, Garibaldi." A voice said behind them as they boarded a shuttle. Garibaldi turned to see Bester standing in the doorway aiming two PPG rifles, a PPG pistol and a water gun at them. "Move away from the shuttle or I will shoot you ." Bester charged both rifles.
Garibaldi and Lennier slowly moved away from the shuttle with their hands up. "If you give me the recipe, you can board the shuttle and leave Mars now."
"Alright." Garibaldi said and removed a piece of paper from his pocket. "You win. Do you have pen?"
"Yeah right here." Bester handed Garibaldi the pen and Garibaldi wrote something on the paper.
"Garibaldi," Lennier said, "you can't do this. You can't give them the recipe."
"We've already lost. Here it is." Garibaldi handed the paper to Bester.
"Alright, you can go." Bester said and they boarded the transport. Bester left the docking bay and returned to the production plant.
"Here is the recipe," he said to his assistant, "Input it into the computer immediately." The man took the recipe and inputted it into the computer. Suddenly alarm sirens rang out throughout the installation. "What's going on?" Bester asked.
"We've lost coolant control." Explosions rocked the area and Bester was thrown against the bulkhead.
"Why did you do it?" Lennier said to Garibaldi.
Garibaldi turned to the co-pilots chair. "I didn't give them my cookie recipe. I gave them the recipe for Delenn's Tang/Coconut balls."
"Uhhh. Garibaldi how could you? Have you ever tried them? If they make and distribute those it could spell the end of all life in the galaxy as we know it."
"Don't worry, their equipment will never be able to duplicate the recipe." Garibaldi responded.
"Garibaldi!" Bester screamed from underneath a pile of rubble. He struggled to his feet to see the entire installation lying in ruins.
"Warning: TOO MUCH TANG!" Flashed in red on the only computer monitor with power. (c) 1997 Mike Bell